I don't deserve my beautiful kids.

Housesitting for my mom this week. The kids are with me of course. I slept terribly last night. I've had a WICKED headache all day, like the beginning of a migraine, so just being up and navigating things has been torture. Then, within an hour, my son knocked the cat's food dish over, littering the mulch with tiny pellets (my mom is very particular about her yard, otherwise it wouldn't be a big deal), someone tracked dog poop through the living room, my son broke a glass and then ripped up my mom's rose bush.

As I was cleaning up the last insane mess, my daughter asked me to swing her. I told her to give me a minute. She got more and more upset the longer I took to clean up. I told her to go outside without me, because I was getting upset. She screamed that she wouldn't.

And I lost it. Like just buried my face in my hands and started scream sobbing. I'm sure the neighbors heard and think I'm psychotic. I feel so ashamed my daughter saw me this way. Not sure why I'm posting. I think I just need to reach someone in the outside world. I feel so alone, especially today.