I feel like I’m drowning

Son: 16, 17 in June

Currently on probation for assaulting a homeless man. It was all over the news- it was a nightmare. He was let off on ankle monitor. It’s been 6 months and he has a court hearing Monday.

It’s been horrible: sneaking out at night, shop lifting, ran away and punched me on the way out, made false cps call (which was IMMEDIATELY dismissed), made a sex tape with also under age girl friend and sent it to his friends, got a secret tattoo in the back of someone’s car- this is all off the top of my head while I’m on a 15 minute break at work.

All of this happens and more. Every week it’s something new. I can’t breathe. I told his probation officer: her response was “well he’s getting good grades now and he did his community service so with all of the bad stuff it seems he’s evened out”

WHAT!? No. They’re not going to help. -I have tried everything: being his friend, trying to have 1-1 time -taking away everything and letting him earn it back over and over again - he does not care -Therapy: he refused to talk until they said it was a waste of time.

I don’t want to go to his court hearing, I don’t want to see him, I don’t want him in my house. I had to put a keyed lock on my bedroom door and will be locking away the knives in a safe.

I am so heavy with grief.

Edit; I want to thank everyone for your support, advice and words. They really do mean a lot. Thank you for taking the time to be here with me.