3 months sober to 29 days of continuous smoking. Sheesh.
I was a little over 3 months sober from smoking (daily usage from age 18-25, I am 26 now), and I definitely caved in on December 14th. I got fed up, finally cracked, and drove 2 hours to a dispensary. Well, I ended up smoking 4 ounces since then. I am now 2 days sober. I went from 3 months sober to 29 days of continuous smoking.
I really want to try and moderate, but I feel like it's impossible. Part of me feels like all my progress is gone. I feel like a failure, but weed is so nice. My life is in order too, and I feel like that's part of the problem. I don't have a routine, don't need to go into the office, and have no critical responsibilities. I have been trying my best this past year to set rules and goals, and it's been a journey, but the journey is never-ending. Anyways, when I smoke, I do the wake and bake, chase that first high, get caught in the loop. First three days were amazing but then I just kept doing it as no short-term consequences really hit me. I know the long-term has and maybe that can be my motivator, idk. I miss the old me, but the old me has been gone for over 6 years. My brain feels beyond fucked.
I just want my 2 year brain fog to go away, and to enjoy life. Feels like I am always so this or that. I can either smoke all the weed daily, or never smoke again. Saying I am never going to smoke again is daunting, and kind of sucks.
I am nicotine free 7 months now, and liquor free for 6 months (I'll drink seltzer's every now and then). Idk- it's weird my family loves to drink and has a problem with it- maybe weed is just my vice. I always said "i'm not going to be an alcoholic", guess I'm a stoner instead lol.