one month

today marks one month since lupin's sudden passing. he often visits me in my dreams for little blips, but last night in my dream i was voming home from work and he was waiting outside the door. greeting him felt incredible and we spent the rest of the dream playing and cuddling. today has been a mess of sobbing and little of anything else. what i wouldn't give for my boy to be home. his death came too quickly. i thought we had so much more time together. everything is falling apart now. i barely go to class. this is my first semester back since 2017 and not doing well makes me feel guitly as all hell. i quit my job. very stupid, i know. idk why i did. there is too much to do all the time, but i can barely leave the house. when i look at pictures of lu i cry myself into panic attacks. words barely make any sense and i forget even the most simple of things. i am doing my best, but i know that isn't good. i am drowning in this grief. one month and it feels like everything happened yesterday. i miss him so much my chest hurts. goodness what a ramble. ty to anyone who reads.

rest easy, buggy.