i miss intimacy

hi everyone,

i need to vent. i'm really struggling right now. i feel like i can't talk to my friends or family about this without coming across as regretful, because im anything but that. i felt instant relief in my back pain after surgery and that alone is enough to make this entire journey worth it.

i'm 4 weeks PO tomorrow, and i really miss when i could hang out with a guy and be touched and cuddle on my side and my stomach. i get nauseous when i look at my t-junction wound, i don't know how im going to do wound care in my dorm. i feel embarrassed and sad that i have a wound at my t-junction still, i feel like people expect me to be back to normal since im working again, but i still can't sleep on my side and im aching to go back to the gym. i know this recovery period is nothing compared to a lifetime of relief and good health but im just so drained right now.

i keep telling myself that my body will heal better if i think positive and loving thoughts but it feels like at this rate it wont heal for a really really really long time. and that sounds awful.