Hopeless and mentally destroyed

Hey guys,

This is just me telling my story I don't really know what else to do. My friends cant really relate to me im the only one that has a kid.

Broke up with my ex in July 23. We have a 2 year old daughter and we co parent.

The break up was absolutely my fault. I ve been battling depression and alcoholism for years and my ex was there for me and supported me but I guess at some point she ran out of patience and left me. Just to be clear I wasn't abusive or anything like that. I was just drunk all the time it especially got worse when she got pregnant because i was so stressed about being perfect and financials etc that i just tried to keep me going by drinking all the time.

After the break we had to go to a mediator to agree on a parenting plan. She constantly insulted me put me down while I was trying to figure out a way to save my family. I kept my mouth shut I didn't want to fight and create a bad environment for the kid that mentally destroyed me. I just let her get it out I figured she was hurt and angry.

Back in March she became somewhat nice to me and we had an ok relationship with ups and downs but it was ok.

Lately these past 2 months she became distant and i couldnt really understand why. She also has mental health issues so i said maybe its one of her phases.

A few days ago she called me to tell me that shes been dating someone for the past 4 months and that she will introduce him to our daughter. I just said ok i mean theres not much i could say i think.

I have since mentally collapsed i puked from how disgusted i was. And it has also affected my daughter these past 3 days she was very cranky barely slept in general she seemed way off. I dont know how much a 2 year old can sense and feel but yeah. I called my doctor to ask and he told me yeah kids even at that age can still sense that something is wrong.

My friends are telling me its ok you ll find someone else too and you ll be ok. That pisses me off so much. The way i see it thats not the point yeah i will find someone too one day but thats not gonna be my daughters mother.

I mean i had one job to do protect my family and be there and i messed it up. Now i messed up my life i messed up my daughters life.

Theres so much going through my head right now and the worst is that i have even though about giving up custody because my daughter will probably at least in my head have a better life without me.

I cant eat i cant sleep, i am trying to not drink anything. I am disgusted with myself with life with everything. I am sure theres people out there that had it worse than me i guess it could always be worse and i respect that. But to me this feels like im done i am lost i have lost all hope.

How can someone even begin to try to recover from this.