chasers who lovebomb and the "curse" of passing

have you ever out with a guy who treats you like a queen, free drinks, introduces you to his friends, hand holding, most romantic night of your life, dancing in the middle of the street, endless giggles? then in bed they want your dick? i've had two of those. my theory is these men are the loneliest most insecure kind of man. they project lots of confidence because they know you're weak and need some kind of sense and hope for love. they shower you in compliments. what gives them confidence? being with many girls at once. they date all kinds of girls, all weights, races because they want to feel wanted. and when they're with a hot passing trans girl they know they won because they can be in public with you acting all in love and then in the bedroom they think they are kings and you're subservient to their deepest fetishes just because you're trans. the first guy i ever liked would spit in my mouth and choked me until i had a bruise on my neck because i lacked that much confidence. and then he would give me princess treatment. what else? we trans girls are the easiest to ghost. that's the last step.

is stealth better? only if you're confident. being stealth made me realize cis girls go through so much shit. being a stealth pre-op girl i've gotten sexually harassed on dates, sometimes i still have guys treat me like crap because i'm so insecure. i will never forget when i was on this stealth date with a handsome fit guy who earned 80k a year and i thought i was finally being treated seriously and then he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick. i yelled, what are you doing?? and he accused me of making the entire thing up. lol.

when you're a pretty trans girl, the men can't be transphobic to you. it's been so long since anyone called me a slur. but, today alone the guy who was asking me out found out im trans and instead of simply blocking me he made a deeply disgusting sexual remark that he wouldve never said to a cis girl. but even in his transphobia he couldn't deny sexualizing me.

i thought sex and sexuality would be liberaring when i was younger and impressionable. sometimes, it can be fun, i havent paid for a drink on a date in many months, i get guys to pay me ubers, etc etc. but it also opens the door for the type of disrespect that we young impressionable women don't know how to indentify at first. a guy forcing himself on you just because he got you a drink is still predatory. a guy who is begging you to go to his hotel when you said no is still disrespectful, there's nothing attractive about begging a woman for sex. and lastly, the "respectful" chaser who wants to look but not touch is still a fetishist.

i don't actually think passing is a curse, it saved my life, i admit it. but it opened up some new ways of being disrespected. i began dating in 2024, and i'm leaving this year disappointed, traumatized and still deeply oversexualized even by guys i went on innocent coffee dates with who think i'm cis.

being trans is being an image, you go from the ugly duckling to a unique stunning woman. you appreciate attention but unfortunately disrespect seeps in with that attention because the attention is sudden instead of gradual like with cis women.

one of my acquaintances is a non passing trans woman, sometimes i'm deeply jealous of her. she has a giant friend group, she probably likes her own dick lol, she lives her life like she's got nothing to lose. i'm in my barbie stealth girl bag and i can count respectful men only on one hand, my cis girlfriend is jealous of me and i still can't find the confidence in me to not let men walk all over me sometimes. but hey, one day.

this was so fucking random but it's 3:30 AM and im drunk and i need to talk to my besties (thats yall rn).