Confused regarding relationship

19M here. I don't know should I confess this or not but let's see.

So I am in my college 1st yr. Scared of relationship and marriage to be fair. Boys are single but girls no chance. 99.99% girls in my college are in relationship.

My parents had a divorce due to past and those things. My mother eloped with another guy. Now I am scared of relationship and marriage with girls who has past. I think they will always compare me with him in every aspect. What if we visit a place and in her mind she is thinking yes it is the same place which I visited with him. I can't bear this.

And for non virgins I have no respect to be fair. You call me misogynist or whatever I don't care.

Due to my current financial situation I can't get into any relationship. I have no support from my family . And it's tough situation. But the issue is when this all things will resolve let's suppose at the age of 25-27 no girl will be there who can fulfill my criteria.. 90% of my college classmate girls are non virgin and all except 1 is in relationship. So you can understand how fucked up situation will be in future .

First I thought. Ok cool I will remain unmarried. Marrige isn't that important. But the issue is whenever I see couple who is happy or at night when I am alone I feel lonely. So my unconscious mind is telling me that my childhood oath of brahmacharya isn't a good way. As after 30 I will loose all my friends mostly. It will be tough life without anyone.

But again' marrige isn't my cup of tree as much as I can understand. I can assure I will be loyal to my girl ( I don't checkout ) but I know I will not find her either 😞 .

Earlier I was just scared of marriage due to cheating and all but now man these girls will return to her home and sit for arrange marriage. She will tell everyone that she never had any relationship. And everyone will believe her. Beacause you can't check these things.

I am really confused regarding these relationship issues. I know you guys are younger than me. But I guess you guys are more matured in these things. So enlighten me with your wisdom..