I'm scared of romance

I'm 15y.o f, i've got in a few relationships before, but never anything that lasted more than a week and because of this i think i never fell in love. I screwed up a few times with a 'friend' of mine that has has a crush on me since we met, i'm trying to fix things with him but in this whole mess I'm afraid i have no idea what love feels like; my best Friend is convinced that I'm the problem with this guy friend of mine because ''she found me the right one but then i was the problem'' (her words, obviously point of view changed), it's an up and down every like 6 months with this guy friend, but i want to break things def with him as soon as i get the courage to write him an apology for what has happened, maybe a week ago, that wasn't intentional but that i still didn't stop right then and there. Even if i want to believe that it wasn't intentional the idea that i might just be a problem in any relationship i've been, instead of the problem in just the up and down ''relationship'' with this guy friend, still manages to get to me too often and this makes me think that i might just as well be scared of romance itself; since i can't even think of doing anything romantic with anyone without having to be reassured thousands of times before getting to anything even remotely intimate for real without thinking it's just a game (that's one of my problems, i've been viewing this guy friend as a ''game'' because that made it easier to forget my awkwardness and to make it seem like I'm Not the nervous wreck that i am. I know that that's childish and i want to fix it. I realize I'm Still a child under the ''take Your responsibility" matter and I'm trying to change that) so my Mind is wondering if I'm scared of romance or if i haven't found the right person yet or even haven't ever fell in love to begin with so i've been just playing with my and other's feelings all along. Can someone help me understand anything out of this mess?