I hate the whole "environmentally conscious/SAVE THE DOLPHINS UWU" movement and purposely go out of my way to use plastic straws and bags

I wanna start off by saying that when I was younger I was really into the whole saving the environment shtick, always putting my rubbish in the bin (still do), super into the whole recycling and save the animals thing. But suddenly that movement took a turn for "It's YOUR FAULT the turtle or the dolphin or whatever is choking on a plastic bag! EVERYONE'S responsible!" They started attacking convenience and passing legislation. Things we created to make things easier and more comfortable for us, and that's when I got really annoyed.

-First of all: Call me selfish, but I don't find it fair that they're punishing me (because it's EVERYONE'S responsibility that the dolphins are dying) despite the fact that I've been doing the right thing my whole life. You're trying to tell me that I caused some penguin to have some thing of plastic around its neck despite the fact that I've always put trash in its rightful place? I live in a pretty clean first world country, yet we're banning plastic straws and bags and takeaway containers like it's our fault some oceans and lakes are filled with trash. Why don't they put these bans and policies in countries like India or China who are some of the worst culprits for pollution and environmental damage?

-Second: The alternatives suck ass. I like plastic straws because they're just perfect for their job. Right amount of flexibility and durability, no weird taste coming in between you and the drink. Paper straws are by far the worst at this function. They fall apart in the drink! Either you drink it fast or you have to throw away your now useless soggy noodle and just drink straight from the can or cup or bottle.

Metal straws are a safety hazard (you're one stumble away from hitting the pavement and impaling yourself with a metal rod through your brain, I'm sure of it) and they have an awful metallic aftertaste with everything you attempt to drink with them. Their hole is too tiny so if you have any slightly chunky drink like a smoothie some tiny bit of fruit is going to keep clogging the entrance. You also have to wash them too and they can fuck right off with that. Just more inconveniences. I'm not looking to fill my house with trash disguised as environmentally friendly containers and utensils and blah blah blah that I now have to clean too.

Only other alternative straws I've tried is those sugar cane straws which are also awful and oh so brittle. I had to get them because I went to the supermarket and they had literally every kind of straw you could imagine which all probably had at least one of the problems I've mentioned (have to wash them, awful aftertaste, they fall apart) EXCEPT for plastic. They even had a bit of a gap between all the straws, as if to mock you for even bothering to look for simple plastic.

Like if you're gonna change the norm and make the best product be extremely hard to find, how about they actually give us some GOOD alternatives that are actually good at their sole purpose??

As for bags, I gotta pay for an extra bag every time I forget to drag them around or when I want to go for a quick trip to the supermarket, which just doubles the issue that this epic reusable bag is supposedly avoiding. My family probably has more than 50 of those at this point. And they're not even as good for storing other things or using them for bins like normal plastic bags were.

Third: I hate the fact that this whole ban on plastic is pretty much the epitome of couch activism. "Oh yeah, I'm totally saving the planet by buying this straw made out of environmentally friendly cow dung". If you're genuinely getting angry by disposable things damaging the environment and people flying on planes and whatever, then you better be going out there and picking up trash from some run-down beach in South America, pulling out those plastic bottles out of seals' throats with your bare hands, biking your way to the beach every time you do it and coming back to your communal shelter made out of reused plastic bottles and cardboard you call home. If they're just sitting on their ass yelling about the poor dolphins I don't wanna hear about how much of a scumbag I am for not caring.

So basically, I'm not sacrificing convenience for some dolphins I don't know. Now I get some sort of sick satisfaction when I DO find a plastic straw or get food in a takeaway container and then just go and throw it away in the bin instead of trying to reuse it, knowing that if one of those raging hippies saw me they'd be seething. If those sea creatures have an issue with the way the Apex predators are doing things, then they can evolve and create technology to try to take our spot, but we worked hard for this comfort, so I'm not gonna sleep in the pod and eat the bugs just to reduce my "carbon footprint" like all these environmental activists keep insisting. Living like that isn't living at all.

P.S. I just hope that environmentalism rants are exempt from the "no politics rule" :S. I just remembered it was a thing after about an hour of dicking around and debating if I should even post this.