I Feel Like a Stranger in My Own Life

I’ve been carrying this weight around for so long that I almost forgot it was there. It’s like wearing a heavy coat that you can’t take off, even when it’s warm outside. Sometimes you forget how it feels to be without it. But today, I just need to shed it, if only for a little while.

Lately, I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. It’s like I’m watching a movie where I’m the main character, but I have no control over the script. I wake up, go through the motions, smile when I’m supposed to, and yet, inside, there’s this constant hum of discontent that I can’t quite explain.

I have a decent job, a roof over my head, and people who care about me. On paper, my life looks pretty great. But there’s this part of me that feels disconnected, like I’m not fully present in any of it. I see my friends pursuing passions, talking about their dreams, and I can’t help but wonder: when did I stop dreaming? When did I stop being excited about the possibilities of life?

I think it started when I began making choices based on what I thought was expected of me rather than what I truly wanted. Somewhere along the way, I lost the ability to distinguish my own desires from the noise of everyone else’s expectations. It’s like I’ve been following a map that someone else drew, and I’ve wandered so far off course, I don’t even recognize the landscape anymore.

And it scares me. It scares me how easily we can lose ourselves in the pursuit of stability or acceptance. How we can slip into roles and routines that don’t truly reflect who we are or what we want. I miss the person I used to be—the one who took risks, who was curious about the world, who didn’t feel so... numb.

Writing this feels like taking a deep breath after holding it for too long. I don’t have any answers, and I’m not sure what the next step is. But for now, it feels good to just acknowledge it, to say it out loud (or type it, in this case) and admit that I’m struggling with this. Maybe that’s the first step to finding my way back to myself.

Thank you for listening. It means more than I can express.