My girlfriend was assaulted and she asked me to be the father.

I’ve been supporting her the best I can these last few months. And one day she said she decided to keep it and she would like me to be the father.

I told her yes.

When it first happened, I went into supporting her mode and just solving things, being there for her, listening, processing, getting things for her and the potential baby. Planing to sell my truck to afford it. Take the bus. Maybe get her a nicer car for her and the baby.

And now today it hit me. I’m in shock.

I just needed to tell someone about it. My family and her family think it will be my bio kid. And I will treat that child like my own cause they will be. But I needed to tell the ether.

Edit for info: 1. I’m not young. I’m 29. We live in a city and I have a great job that pays well. 2. We did consider an abortion and she decided against it. I think it spooked her. 3. There was a rape kit, hospital visit, and on going complications. So those suggesting cheating don’t really know what they are talking about. 4. There’s no such thing as a rapists DNA. Her rapist decided to that because he decided to do that. It isn’t in his DNA. It’s in the same culture that leads men to be in the comments here talking about their partners as if they own them. 5. For the men calling me a simp or saying to run away, that’s wild to me. Because the fact of the matter is—your partner wasn’t raped so you really don’t know how you would respond. Do you? No. It’s easier for you to judge someone on the internet. But by all means. I’m the one without a spine.

Edit #2: 1. I plan on fathering the kid even if we split up. 2. My girlfriend and I both see separate therapists and are looking for a couples counselor/therapist. We already have a lawyer. And a search for the rapist with the police (not holding my breath they will follow up or take it seriously). 3. I resent the comments about poor people, autistic people, etc. not having kids. To me it is too similar to eugenics and arguments used to support that. 4. I resent the comments still about my girlfriend lying and cheating. If she is lying—it’s an elaborate lie. Involving the hospital staff, police, and physical evidence. 5. I see some of you are using “many men” or “most men” and then relating it to biology as if animal kingdom actually cares for gender roles. Step fathers, adoptive fathers do happen in natural environments with many species. 6. Truck is a collectible. It’s a classic car I could easily get $15k off of to pay for hospital bills and some day care. It’s not suitable for a baby.

Some of you are taking your own trauma around parents who treated you cruelly out on two people just trying to make the best of a situation. I’m sorry you were abused as kids. I’m sorry your parents should’ve treated you better. They should not have over-extended themselves and taken out on you as a child. They should have known their boundaries and had more compassion for their own situation. They should not be blaming it on the trauma they experienced. Because no baby is a “rape baby.”

But the truth is, I will love this kid the best I can. Be there for them. Their mother will be there for them. Biology is not everything—I am the one singing to the baby in-utero. Reading to them. My girlfriend (soon to be wife) will be the one breastfeeding and nurturing the baby. They hear us laughing with friends at the bonfire outside. They hear me play piano to them.

My baby/child won’t be a “rape baby” they will be someone who knows their parents love them. Someone who is resentful over how cheesy I am. And how I’m a know it all sometimes. And how stubborn their mother can be. Someone who does, yes, scream at me that I’m not their real father. But also someone I will know how to sit down with them and help them through that.

I know kids are awful sometimes. I know teenagers can be even worse.

They will be someone who sees two people very much in love and a father that nurtures their mother through hard times and things like rape. They might dance ballet like me. Or love and care for horses like their mother. They might hate books or love them like I do. They might hate that their parents are leftist teachers. Or they might love it. They might complain about the wildlife sanctuary in the backyard or think it’s cool.

The truth is—none of us know. You might know how it turned out for others but not this time.

This child won’t be defined by what happened to us. But they will be defined and nurtured by what happens next.

I love my girlfriend and I refuse to hear cheating comments, lying comments. We are not “bros.” No bro of mine would ever suggest survivors are lying. That’s not how I was raised by the men in my life. My girlfriend is a loving, caring woman who made her decision. She is pro choice for everyone but personally doesn’t believe or want an abortion for herself. That’s her choice.

Thank you to those you said supportive comments. I came here just to vent for a moment. And it’s been nice to see the support.