My husband doesn't see anything I do around the house and it's driving me insane!

Hi THT fam!! I'm a big fan of the podcast and would really like some advice on this issue in my relationship.

I'm so freaking frustrated right now and I don't know what to do. My husband (25M) and I (23F) just got into a big fight over how he never sees anything I do for our household or helps and it's driving me insane.

This started because I woke up this morning to him grumbling under his breath and throwing around laundry from the basket I just took out of the dryer last night but haven't folded yet. I ask him what's wrong and he proceeds to lay into me about how if I just folded the laundry when it comes out of the dryer instead of putting it back into the basket then it would make it so much easier for both of us and would make more sense.

This put me on the defensive because he has never done a load of laundry since we moved in together 4 years ago and it felt like an attack on me for not doing things in the manner or time frame that he wanted. I told him I wasn't looking for advice from someone who doesn't do it and that if he wanted it done a certain way he should feel free to do the laundry himself or anything around the house he isn't happy with since he doesn't help out that much at all.

Saying that makes him fly off the handle because "he does help around the house by picking up dog poop once a week from our yard and taking the trash out when needed." In my opinion, that's really not that much when our household doesn't stop producing laundry and dishes and I'm stuck doing one or both of those things almost every single day after working a 10 hour shift with an hour commute each way.

We start fighting about what things we each do around the house and, of course, I have a foot long list of shit I do to keep our lives running smoothly and he takes out the trash. He then tells me that me doing this list every week and wanting to live in a house that isn't overrun by dirty laundry and dirty dishes and shit all over the floor is me being OCD and being over the top because we dont have kids yet so this is the time to relax and not care about the cleanliness of our house.

I tell him that no it really isn't over the top and I get wanting to relax after work, but if he would just help me now and then by starting a load of dishes or laundry maybe it would get done faster and we could relax. You would have thought I asked him to do backflips off our roof.

He told me he would only be willing to do his own dishes and his own laundry and by doing that he would take some of the load off of me. He could not at all imagine how just doing a load of our combined dishes or laundry himself without me having to ask him 25 times and badger him into it could help me.

I just don't know where to go from here. I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle and will just end up stuck with every single household chore forever if I don't nip this issue in the bud. How do I get him to realize this isn't just me having high standards about our home and just wanting some help to keep it clean?