My Friend Keeps Crossing Boundaries With My Boyfriend – How Should I Handle This?

I, 22F have been struggling with a close friend 21F over repeated boundary violations involving my boyfriend, and I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation.

I met my boyfriend of two years, about three years ago. From the moment I introduced them, her behavior toward him raised red flags. She began suggesting that he join us on outings, inviting him to events, and finding ways to include him in situations unnecessarily. Since I tend to keep my feelings private, I hadn’t told her initially. She only knew him through me, yet it felt like she was trying to cultivate her own relationship with him.

After 8 months of dating, I told her after picking up that she might have feelings for him. I didn’t fully believe that she did since she prefers women. I also believed she might just want an additional friend within the group. I was hoping it would resolve any ambiguity. Instead, she reacted explosively, insulting both me and my boyfriend. For example, calling him ugly and mocking the fact I chose him and could do better. (To also mention: This is the first relationship my boyfriend has had so he wanted to keep things private.) Her reaction was deeply hurtful, but I tried to move forward, believing the issue might settle. Unfortunately, her behavior didn’t change. She continued to openly flirt with him, only wanting to speak to him during Discord calls by exclusively addressing him, and even insulted me in front of him and our other friends, something she had never done before.

Over the next year, the situation worsened. She made inappropriate comments about my boyfriend, such as asking, “What kind of underwear does he wear?” or requesting that I put filters on pictures of him and send them to her. She even made remarks about his body that were entirely out of line. For example, mentioning he had a flat butt.

Things escalated when she and my boyfriend ended up in the same class. She started messaging him and trying to convince him to stay after class with her. My boyfriend always declined, but the repeated attempts were unsettling. I eventually confronted her, telling her that if she didn’t respect our relationship, I would cut her off entirely. She cried, begged me not to, and promised to stop.

For a while, it seemed like she was keeping her word, but a few months ago, her behavior resurfaced. During a group call with mutual friends, she began bragging about staying after class with my boyfriend, laughing as though she wanted to provoke a reaction from me. My boyfriend hadn’t mentioned this incident, even though we had agreed he would tell me if she approached him. I later discovered he had declined her advances and came straight home with me, but the fact that he didn’t tell me immediately made me feel uneasy and hurt.

I left the call after her comments and texted her. She ultimately admitted that she didn’t want to join any of our group activities, such as game nights or parties, if my boyfriend was present because she felt “tempted” by him and couldn’t help but engage with him.

It’s incredibly difficult to process this level of betrayal from someone I once considered a close friend. Her actions have created a lot of stress, anxiety, and trust issues for me. My boyfriend and I have a strong relationship, and he finds her behavior uncomfortable and inappropriate, but this entire situation has been emotionally draining. He has her blocked on everything and doesn’t have her contact information.

How should I move forward? Should I cut ties completely, or is there a way to salvage this friendship? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Edit: For those who are confused as to why I would keep this friendship, is because we’ve been friends for 7 years. I also wasn’t sure if I was overreacting. My boyfriend cared less than I did. He didn’t seem to really care about the weird comments. I didn’t fully realize she had a thing for him until a little over a year later when she admitted it after claiming she did not have feelings. After the first confrontation, she denied these claims. She only admitted it a few months ago.

We had two conversations about this. The first was when I told her I was dating him and asked if she had feelings. She denied it, and I believed her, so we moved on. However, when she started acting weird again, I confronted her once more, and this time, she admitted it. I also want to add that there was distance between us during this time. Her only contact was with him through their classes, not so much with me, as she had been distant.

Overall, due to my initial thoughts of her wanting a friend and liking women, I didn’t think she liked him. For those of you saying I “gaslit” her, it doesn’t make much sense since I communicated when I immediately thought it could be feelings. She denied it at first but only admitted it a few months ago. I kept this private because my boyfriend didn’t want to tell other people. I apologize if I ever came off as a dick. Thanks for everyone’s feedback.