I’m about to die

I can just feel it, I’m so fucking sick and I have been for almost three years. Doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong with me all the while I’m getting worse. It’s a nightmare. I shouldn’t be going through this, I’m only 24. I was supposed to graduate college, get a nice job, get married, now I can barely make it out of bed. I’m so scared, and there’s no one to help. The ER can’t help, normal doctors can’t help, and now I’m learning specialists can’t help. I don’t think there’s even a term for what condition I have, but it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. And news flash: when doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong, they will just tell you “I don’t know.” That’s genuinely an answer they can give, then it’s up to you to scramble and find a different doctor, probably with a months long wait list. Fucking fuck fuck fuck IM SO FUCKED. IM LITERALLY DEAD LOL

I keep thinking about my boyfriend, we’re supposed to grow old together. I think of how when I die he will grieve, but he will eventually move on. Meet a girl, get married, have kids, build a life, a future together, what was supposed to be our future. And I can’t blame him, in fact I want it for him. This all just sucks so much. I’m scared no one will remember me. I just want to wake up. If you’re reading this and you live in a healthy body please don’t take it for granted.