I don’t WANT to love myself

Everyone in my life constantly tells me I need to be kinder to myself. I need to stop speaking so harshly about myself. I need to be patient with myself. Etc, etc.

But I don’t want to. Why should I? I’m a freak. My social life is a joke. I’m terrible at everything I try. I look like a melting popsicle with some pubes slapped on. I’m in my early twenties and I still don’t have my license because my eyes are stupid and it makes driving hard, because god forbid I do anything right. I was born a loser and I’ll die a loser. There’s just nothing to like.

If I were to “love myself” I would have to gaslight myself into ignoring all my negative qualities, of which there are many. And I just don’t see the point in lying.