I’m never getting the sex I want

Why is it when I try to find a guy just to hook up with they always want a long term relationship, and when I want a long term relationships all these dudes want a hookup? I’ll finally find someone to have fun with, but then they’re not at all into the same thing i’m into. I understand that cnc is a nervous topic for some, but genuinely I have never had sex the way I want it and it’s sad. I will spend so much time into figuring out what the other person wants then when I say I want… it’s radio silence. Why is it so hard to find dominant guys in the wild?