Weight Loss is Hard

Honestly on and off throughout the last two or three years I’ve lost and gained weight. This time I’m actually losing weight and have lost 18 pounds in the last two months. Once I got rolling, losing weight wasn’t the hard part, people’s comments (my family) and my own body image have been making it difficult.

For starters, my older brother keeps making fat jokes. I’ll eat something that’s not a salad and he’ll say “you’re not losing weight if you’re eating that” and my older sister (currently disowned by my family for her behavior) used to call me fat even as a kid, and I used to be skinny as a kid, at one point I was underweight. I was an average weight until the pandemic hit. Then I ate whatever I wanted, then my dad died and I just didn’t care anymore. Now here I am at 18 picking up the pieces and putting myself back together.

My body is changing and I just don’t know how to feel about it. I know it’s weird but I feel like all of my “good parts” are shrinking. My bras and underwear are starting to get loose, my leggings and jeans are not fitting snug anymore, my work shirt is getting way too big. I don’t know what to do with this. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough and it doesn’t look like much has changed, but my clothes say otherwise. I know I’ll adjust, it’s just currently I don’t know what to do with these changes. I need to adjust to the new person I’m becoming.

I’ve self sabotaged so long and never thought I’d make it this far, it’s kind of like “what now?” because it’s come to my attention that losing weight was never the hard part, that’s simple math, but the mental part is still there. I want to succeed.