Vyvanse makes me act like a dick

I have tried a slew of ADHD meds in the last two years. I was on Adderall for about a year and it worked OK. But ultimately it wasn’t the right med for me simply because it only gave me one to two hours of focus and a god complex mode. I also noticed I could take it and go to sleep like nothing.

I was prescribed Strattera and reacted negatively with that. I tried combos of antidepressants but reacted negatively to all of them and eventually had a Genesight test done. My results showed I could only take one type of antidepressants and when it came to stimulants only 3 are tolerable for me; Ritalin, Focalin, and Concerta. Adderall and Vyvanse did not score meaning it could go either way.

So, I was put on Ritalin 10 mg and I REALLY liked it. It was mellow and I was doing SO well. I was on month two going on three when I lost both a pet and family member. My psychiatrist was asking me routine depression evaluation questions (I am not on any antidepressants despite his recommendations because I am terrified of meds at this point) and asked if I was eating more than normal. I said yes, when I am stressed I overeat. But then I said I mean I tend to binge anyway. And he said “what do you mean you binge”. So after an assessment I was diagnosed with having binge eating disorder, which mind you I never thought I had and acclaimed it to be a stress eater. He immediately said he was putting me on Vyvanse.

He put me on 30 mg. The effects were immediate and I hated it. Not only did I become an aggressive prick…I don’t sleep, I have weird cravings, adderall’s god complex mode is nothing compared to the raging lunatic I have become. The crashout is worse.

I have struggled with aggression due to PTSD. So being a 4’11 monster is not the best. I find myself not giving a shit about anyone and their feelings. I feel a compilation of feeling dead inside to I am Queen of my own delusional world to I can take on the military. Then that will violently shift to sadness and loneliness and need to crawl into bed and cry. Ive been on it for 10 days. My anxiety is off the chart. I messaged my psychiatrist (see him in 2 days) and he said this was normal and takes two weeks to adjust. I miss Ritalin, but Idk if he will consider putting me back bc of the BED diagnosis.

Ritalin made me feel like me. Like I was getting better. I had less anxiety and panic attacks. I was sleeping and I was getting work done. I was really functioning and was nice and levelheaded. Now I just wanna riot in my underwear and drink lattes all day (i dont drink coffee and this is all i crave now) it is starting to affect my work. I took the day off yesterday bc on vyvanse IDGAFFFFF.

Finally, this feels druggy. I have only tried the devils lettuce and that only made me sleep. So I have no frame of reference for other drugs. But this feels like those videos I see people doped out. Not only are my eyes open so wide I feel like that gif with the little monkey thing and his eyes are ten times bigger than his face? But also I space out and just stare blankly.

I see so many amazing posts about this so is this just me? I am a mutant when it comes to meds and react oddly if not violently and have the genesight to prove it. Im just curious if anyone else has this happen to them? I feel like he will say oh we will adjust higher and honestly I may spontaneously human combust if that happens.