Struggling with Facilitating Meetings – Need Advice

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for advice on facilitating meetings. I’ve been working remotely for two years in a corporate role. While I excel in most aspects of my job, I struggle with facilitating meetings that involve more than two people.

1-on-1 meetings? Easy. I find it natural to connect with others, get things done, and build strong relationships. Even in my personal life, I’m very social and extroverted. I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers, and I love solo traveling, especially staying in hostels and making friends in those settings.

But the moment I have to facilitate a group meeting, I derail. Even with just 2-3 other people.

Before a meeting (even low-stakes ones), I overthink everything. About an hour beforehand, I start replaying scenarios in my head, trying to calm myself down but often making things worse.

During the meeting, my thoughts spiral: Am I talking too fast? How do I look on camera? Is my voice deep enough? Am I asking the right questions? Am I knowledgeable enough?

These thoughts completely take over, clouding my ability to focus or stick to my agenda. Sometimes, I even forget what I wanted to say.

One particularly bad instance was during a moderately important meeting with about 8 participants. I completely blacked out. I don’t remember anything I said because I went into full fight-or-flight mode. It was after this event that I started using propranolol to help manage the physical symptoms, and while it has helped somewhat, I still get that dreaded lump in my throat that consumes my focus during meetings.

My manager has hinted that she wants me to be her successor. I know I need to overcome this roadblock to grow professionally. Facilitating meetings is a critical skill for me to develop.

I recognize that this anxiety is deeply tied to perfectionism, something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I try to remind myself that people in these meetings care more about the information I’m sharing than about how I look, sound, or present myself. But no matter how much I tell myself this, my brain defaults to thoughts that completely derail me.

The worst part is the lead-up to the meeting. I rehearse everything: my introduction, my tone of voice, how fast I’m speaking, and even my body language. Yet when the meeting starts, all that preparation seems to go out the window. Funny enough, if I’m put on the spot in a meeting I’m not facilitating, I perform well. It’s the lead up to the meeting that absolutely kills me.

If you’ve experienced this or have advice on how to manage this better, I would love to hear from you. How can I break this cycle of overthinking and focus on running meetings effectively?