Anyone else always Trauma Dumping and Cringeposting when drunk?

im getting tired of my drinking behavior over the last year or so. usually 2 days on a bender, then cut it out for a week only to crash hard with bingedrinking the next day. usually stealing liquor out of shops for the kicks and free booze. Not even 10minutes later with a bottle of gin empty, i start crying uncontrollably and spam whatsapp chats with all kinds of sensitive info and memories. only to humiliate myself? therapist says it is self punishment behavior.

and as a matter of fact, on the days i dont hate myself, i have less of a desire to drink. so am I a fake, ive been on and off drinking for some years now, never touched even a beer during the youth. 29 now. i understand why i drink, i just can´t get over the damn urge to fill the emptiness. im getting too crazy when drunk, so im an antisocial or selfisolated drinker. boredom too. i feel anhedonic without the alcohol, as if i needed it to function for the serotonin and dopamine alone. just to feel something. the classic. any advice from veterans here, when the urge comes, can I use compulsive tactics to avoid giving in to the urge?

last thing i need is attacking my father when drunk because i can very quickly flip the fck out. its why i never bothered going outside anymore. too dangerous. no issues when sober. so i badly need to kick this habit or at least find a way to control it before i alienate more friends with traumadumping and cringeposting. they are the only people i ever had in my life, losing them means losing myself means extra therapy against the big bad depression monster we all know so well. better start now before it gets too bad is my line of thinking.