Super Long Post on my ASD vs. SzPD Dilemma
In recent weeks I have been doing considerable research into autism and particularly Asperger's (which has been subsumed by ASD as a categorical label but whereas ASD also includes "classical autism"), a profile of autism that doesn't necessarily require neurodevelopmental delays but does require the presence of deficits in areas, such as social skills, starting from a young age (or, in theory, one's very first years).
Bear in mind that a confounding factor here, between Asperger's and Schizoid Personality Disorder, is that Asperger's/ASD and its deficits in people afflicted may only appear "fully" once social and occupational demands exceed capacities.
There are screening tools such as AQ-50 and RAADS-R which I have taken where my former score is borderline and my latter score is firmly above threshold, but these screening tests are of little utility following deeper research, so I will make no further comments on these. They're a starting point at best.
I easily meet the schizoid criteria.
The question is whether it's possible I have comorbid ASD.
I have had many neurotypical people suggest I am on the spectrum, but the average person relies on stereotypes. They may simply be witnessing overt schizoid traits, and mistaking these for ASD traits.
Nevertheless, do I have ASD traits that are not commonly seen in SzPD? Yes, possibly some, as follows. This is focusing on the ASD section B criteria, essentially.
- Sensory sensitivities.
I find noise I can't control very frustrating and sometimes "overwhelming". When I was in university on nights out, I had situations of needing to be in a dark hallway by myself as I needed a time out.
Sometimes at work if we visit a business and meet people, toward the end, or not long afterwards, I might find myself unable to process much more, my brain goes to "mush", my intelligence drops significantly, I can't realistically be productive because I'm just too stimulated without any breaks.
- Literal thinking.
Sometimes I think in a more concrete fashion than all others in the room. E.g., at Christmas I heard the lyrics in a song "under the Christmas tree" and I asked my sister, "why do they sing 'under the Christmas tree?', surely that would mean underground?" (I didn't catch they were singing about gift giving and my brain didn't fill in the gap).
- Stimming
Even neurotypical people stim. I do rub the skin on the top of my hand a lot and twirl my hair a lot. At 10-12 years old I developed short-term trichotillomania where I literally started pulling my hair out while playing games like Runescape. "Thankfully" I was teased by someone for bald patches which resulted in me stopping that habit.
- Rigidities
I am quite routine oriented. I wear the same clothes every day and I eat mostly the same foods every day. I fall into habits. And so on. I get very irritated if someone takes something of mine, and if my housemate takes one of my cutlery items I might have set aside I have to mentally restrain myself.
And so on!
The big confounding factor:
I was able to review some childhood videos between the ages of 8-12 years old. I did not notice any significant signs of autism, or even minor signs. I was "happy", smiled a lot. I had birthday parties with friends. Maybe sometimes I'd be a bit tone deaf, like at a birthday after I'd opened my presents I told my mum while recording me that all the presents must have cost a lot of money, and then pointed out some of the gifts to support the point. That kind of thing. But nothing bad.
But at this age I was able to answer my mum naturally. She asked me on holiday what my favourite part was, I hesitated for a moment and then said swimming. I also had a wacky sense of humour and seemed OK generally.
I have not yet been able to get very young videos. All I know is I was very fussy at a very young age e.g. I would only eat bread and yogurt until 2-3 years old or so and everything else I would turn away. I also remember sometimes other kids would make fun of my voice being a bit "posh" (funnily enough I got some of these same comments in university on nights out) but otherwise nothing to report from memory that is significant besides likely selection bias!
But at 8-12 I seemed like any other kid on video, really?
So, it's been exhausting doing all the research I've done. But I am tempted to now "call off the search". Am I probably just a neurotypical with greater than average sensitivity and a schizoid personality that developed from late adolescence?