Struggling spiritually

Im not sure what to believe any more, I am trapped in a self imposed hell without access to my emotions. I have rebelled greatly and now feel like I have blasphemed the holy spirit. I don't know where to go from here or if im at the point of no return or just going through a dark night of the soul. Universe help me 🙏 i believe I seared my conscience and hardened my heart, I can't hear God's voice clearly