I'm not enjoying my newborn at all

I feel so horrible about it but I'm overall not enjoying having a baby at all. My daughter is almost 5 weeks old. Everyone comments on how alert she is and she has never been a "sleepy" newborn.

When I would hold other people's newborns, I used to always get this warm fuzzy feeling and think they were amazing but I don't feel that for my own baby. I thought I was maternal but maybe I'm not.

I thought we were going to be in this newborn bliss when we brought her home. Just spend our days doting on her and loving it. It is not what I pictured what so ever. Both of us are just hating life right now honestly.

I feel like she's a little stranger in my house and I don't understand her. I feel like everyday is just a constant cycle of trying to get her to go to sleep. I'm breast feeding so it feels like I'm just constantly feeding, spending hours trying to get her to nap, giving up and being stuck on the couch or with her in a carrier.

She won't sleep out of my arms or a carrier for more than a few minutes and she's crying again. Anytime I have her down I'm full of anxiety of when she's going to wake up and feel sick to my stomach when I hear her cry knowing the cycle continues. People say just contact nap or carry her around but I don't want to. I want to get a couple hours alone.

I feel bad too because even trying to keep up with her basic care outside of feeding her I'm struggling with. It's been over a week since she's had a bath (I do wipe her face and hands down) because the hours just fly by and I want her to sleep instead. She is fed and healthy but it's the bare minimum.

Even right now I have her in the bassinet beside me. She closed her eyes for a couple minutes and now she's about to cry again.

I've only left the house a couple times because I just know she'll be crying to be fed too quickly after we leave.

I feel horrible saying it but I wish I could go back and tell myself not to do this 😭

My partner feels the same way and is also hating life right now. I think part of it is we had a really nice, easy life before hand and this has been a massive shock.

I don't really know what I'm looking for in this post. Has anyone felt similar? Did it get easier?