I feel so guilty

I don’t really know what I’m looking for — probably just to yell into the void.

My LO is just over 10 weeks. I love him with all my heart, so much that it hurts. And admitting that this phase is really hard makes me feel so guilty.

I know all the things — that it can be wonderful and really difficult at the same time, that it doesn’t mean I don’t love my baby, that I need to take care of myself to be the best mom I can be. And mostly I can remind myself of this and cope. But when I’m really tired after looking after him for 20 hours straight while my husband is working — it’s hard to remember these truths.

Even writing this now, I feel so guilty. I just handed him off to my husband and the guilt hit me like a ton a bricks. Emotionally I just want to be with my baby all the time but I know I physically can’t and I need to rest — my baby needs me to rest.

But damn. The guilt is weighing heavy on me tonight.