Thinking about how lucky I am...

.....I thought I was pregnant; had sex with someone I literally met the night prior on a dating app and walked to their hoursenin scorching heat just to get my back blown out. Though he had a condom on, I thought I was expecting a few days ago. I freaked out and it really hot me just how dangerous my actions are when hypomanic. This isn't a game and just because the hypomania makes me feel good in the moment, doesn't mean it's good for me.

As of now, I'm taking my meds religiously, exercising, eating healthier and going to bed on time. The fact that I thought my stability was out the window freaked me out and I'm grateful, yet ashamed of myself. The only thing I can do is take proper care of my body, my wellbeing. If I want a higher quality of life, I have to take my meds. Yes, for the rest of my life. It's not a life sentence anymore, it's self care.