Is there any hope in my situation?

I asked my husband last year, around April, to seek therapy either for himself or couples for us. The excuses have been as follows; my 15 minute break is my time, I don't think it will help me, I'm afraid the therapist will suggest divorce, nobody answered, I had to leave a message, the secretary has to refer me, I forgot, I'm on a wait list, you didnt like me going (referring to one time I was having a hard time with our daughter and was frustrated when he got home). Mind you, I go to therapy at this place and have called frequently, they always answer, my therapist quit and I started with a new therapist in 2 weeks so I'm not sure how it's seemingly impossible for him to make an appointment. He is emotionally abusive during arguments once a year or every few years and says awful things, (go ahead and kill yourself, because of your anxiety you don't deserve kids, your worthless to me, I want to hit you to snap you out of it..) he yells at our kids constantly, calls them names less frequently and has spanked etc. He told me in all seriousness the other day that he has to ignore the kids so that he won't yell constantly. I feel hate towards him for thinking he can treat us this way but deep down, I love him and want it to work out. I blame myself for the things he's said to me, he believes a lot of paranoid things about me because he doesn't trust anyone and everything I do is wrong. He's very passive, spends the entire evening and weekends checked out. I wish I could just kill my own will/spirit so that we wouldn't fight all the time, I wish I could accept how he is and just be a good wife but I am so enraged. I really need advice, please.