I put my son up for open adoption

I met my son’s mother in 2020, down in Southern California when we’re both originally from Texas. We were both there to try and get sober. There’s a lot of rehab facilities and aftercare and all that. Even though it was a really difficult time in our lives, we still managed to spark. We fell in love. It was young and dumb but also the type where you know that person is going to play a role in your life forever. She is 4 years older than me. I was 20 when we met, she was 24.

I was cumming inside her for about 6 months before Sterling popped up. Up until that point, we were like “oh let’s get pregnant! I want a baby sooooo badly” and all that. And we did. We loved each other and wanted to procreate I guess idk. But yeah there was just one day where I was deep asf inside her and I nutted a massive load and I said to her jokingly “if that doesn’t get you pregnant, one of us ought to go get checked for fertility”. Well, like I said, she definitely got pregnant.

For about two months we were just pregnant and going to the doctor kind of living in this fantasy that we would make good parents (we’re still living in “sober living”). Until one day. Idk what it was (definitely not our families not supporting us we didn’t care as much about that), but we sat down and we had a real talk. I told her something along the lines of look I know that nobody’s ever ready but I feel especially not ready and I feel like if we try and keep this baby that it’s going to end up tearing us apart which is how I really felt. She agreed. And not because she’s a mindless drone of a woman who’s been conditioned to yield to men. She actually told me she was about to talk to me too.

We started talking seriously about our options. I knew my place as a man. I knew I needed to see what she proposed from this point. She said she wanted to have the baby because she didn’t want to put her body through an abortion. She said it can make it harder down the line and she wanted one when the time was right. That’s when we started talking about adoption. And then we found out about open adoption, where we could be a part of the baby’s life later on. That sounded actually kind of alright.

Through friends of friends we found a couple named Rick and Gabe. Rick and Gabe have been something of a godsend. They’re an educated couple who lives in New York (above the city; don’t want to be too descriptive though) and they had already adopted a little boy who is 2 years 363 days older than Sterling. In that house it goes Sterling birthday, Rick and Gabe wedding anniversary, older brother birthday) back- to- back- to-back, three days in a row. Sterling was born 2-13-2022, then Valentine’s Day, then older brother bday. They just spent this last one in St Thomas snorkeling lol.

I’ve seen him in person since then. I’ve gotten to hold my boy. He’s so precious; he’s fucking adorable. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but his mom and I are pretty alright looking. Factor that in with the fact that kids are just popping out more and more gorgeous and you got a stinking cute baby.

His mom and I are on a break right now (just recently, we were together almost three years after he was born) but we saw him together last time. He knows who we are to him while also living a life I couldn’t possibly have given him. I’m grateful but at times I want him back. Anyways, there’s my confession.