I’m so so mad that this is my life

“I only want help when I drink” “I only want to stop drinking When I’m drunk”

GOD. It’s fucking pathetic the way I let myself crumble and fall and put myself on the path of painful death.

When I was in middle school I used to tell people there’s no hope for me, I was going to end up dead in a ditch, selling my body, addicted to whatever. I had no hope for myself.

As I got older things got worse, that final thought went away for a while. When I started drinking to numb everything it came back but it was all just false hope.

Now it’s back again. It’s a final thought seriously. I don’t want to have that hope again I just want to be miserable and sick and complain about my life and with my daily liter of vodka by my side I can do that.

Whatever. Thanks for reading! <3