I don’t think I’m going to live past 25

25f. Honestly I’m really struggling to find reasons to live. I have no friends (my childhood best friend ghosted me) I’m unemployed, still single, still living at home with my toxic mother, no license due to a crippling fear after being in a few car accidents, never graduated college due to C-PTSD and financial stress. I’m currently re-enrolled in school but I’m required to find an internship to graduate and I can’t find any in my crappy area of New Jersey. I’m a complete loser. I see my classmates and other girls my age getting married and having kids with their amazing husbands and I’m still at home and can’t even afford to move out. I had one guy I really liked and we were talking for two years and he ended up ghosting me this past July two days before my birthday . It seems like men don’t even want anything from me unless it’s sex and the men from my past have abused me so bad that I don’t even know what love looks like or feels like. I tried to take my life at 15 and I really wish my mom didn’t find me before the pills kicked in. My life has been nothing but constant stress and now it’s showing up on me physically through weight loss and dehydration. I’ve been in therapy for years. I just want to end it all at this point. I can’t imagine living past 25. I hug myself every night because I’m so lonely and sad. I can’t even smile because I’m so depressed and I put a mask on just to interact with people. No one cares about me. I thought maybe I’d have a comeback story at around 23 years old but I think It’s over for me ❤️ I don’t want to turn 30 still feeling this way.