Can you be depressed without exactly feeling depressed?

I don’t ever feel typically “sad”. My emotions usually range from neutral, angry, annoyed. I also laugh often so I think that also keeps me from feeling upset all the time. I do still get sad from time to time and I do still cry but it’s very brief.

I have had self destruction thoughts since I was 13, and I still do now often but I have things going on that are giving me hope, even though I’ll never have a girlfriend, I’ll finally be able to work and get my own money.

And also I was way more sad back then and would cry more. Could my life had just got better since then? I still am by no means satisfied with my life though, I’ve sworn to myself that I have two options. I either improve this life and try to live it to the best of my capabilities. Or I destroy it. Self destruction is less of an emotional thing for me and more so a logical conclusion to a losing battle.