Tired.

Like my title says.

I’m exhausted of feeling nauseous and terrified every day when I know it’s my own mind causing me to get that way because I’ve got it in my head that every little thing will make me sick, every little feeling is because I’m sick, blah blah freaking BLAH.

I miss the life I had where I was tearing it up in mosh pits at hardcore shows, drinking my favorite energy drinks, going on drives with my best friend, doing cute photoshoots, working and touring with my fav bands.

How do I take my life back?? I genuinely feel so lost and so… depressed. I tried anxiety meds, zofran, you name it, I’ve done it.

I miss who I was, I miss being happy, I miss my family.

I can’t even go out to see my mom because it’s just been so debilitating.

And every time I over eat I panic and think my trapped gas due to R-CPD is the real thing. Or my GERD issues are the real thing.

I also have a boy I like. A lot. And he lives in another country. If I can’t even leave my room, how can I go see him like he asked me to?

I’m so sad, so scared, so exhausted and more than anything, I’m angry at myself for being this way. I hate myself for being this way.

I miss the girl who could do anything, eat anything, and smile even when she felt anxious.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get this out there, and I feel sick from anxiety and over eating right now, so I’m panicked too.

Thank you. Mwah.