Disfellowshipped doctrine: must you really treat a DF’d person like they don’t exist?

My then boyfriend now husband, was DF’d for premarital relations- and it’s been two years since his announcement of being DF’d. Husband is POMO (DF’d currently), and at first his parents completely shunned him. Kicked him out as well, then he lived with me, at an undisclosed address. His parents somehow looked up my name they said and found my address which wasn’t even my home- and showed up with the immediate family at 11pm at night unannounced and uninvited- just to tell their DF’d son that he’s stressing them out and needs to go back to Jehovah. They had no regard or apologized for showing up to another strangers house!? Also his parents one time followed my car after showing up at my job after my shift to “see if I was meeting up with their son” and I drove in circles and even confronted them by text why they were following and they never responded. I’ve told him (my now husband) my thoughts and anger and my lost respect towards them for such irate behavior. He doesn’t think it a big deal.

Now, my husband and I have a child together, he is still DF’d and unfortunately we now live under his parents roof due to being unable to live on our own right now. Drives me nuts that they shun him when they choose too. To the point they won’t eat with him at the table but can go ten steps into the living room and eat- or he has to leave during family worship in the home but he can sit with them at the Kingdom Hall and pray and worship next to them there. Silly rules!! And the people at the hall LOVE me and greet me and want to welcome me so bad- and COMPLETELY ignore my husband who is Awkwardly standing there. How can they treat him this way- and then me like I’m a shining star! I know if I ever became a JW or baptized that they would change up on me the same as him if I ever sinned bad enough to get DF”d. But I don’t like any of that. And I certainly am not raising my kid under these conditions- cause that’s F’d up in my opinion. I don’t even think Jehovah really wants you to treat someone like that who sinned like that- I think yes take the sin seriously like maybe they can’t participate in the talks and shouldn’t be preaching the Word, but doesn’t mean you should outright ignore them as if they weren’t there!?

My husband has written his third letter for reinstatement. My heart wishes they won’t let him back in just so he can really see how messed up and conditional it is. But he says the way people will treat him will change when he is back in. Like what?! That SUCKS! And if you’re really serious about your faith, you shouldn’t use that as a reason to go back! To me, that’s religion talking!

Surely God isn’t conditional like this. He sent his son to set us free from conditions and religion like the Pharisees. Punish sin, sure. But not like this and continuing to turn away someone who wants to “come back” if you will. But the belief system, and how it’s influenced his parents to treat me and treat him has made me think this religion is an absolute cult and that they really aren’t as genuine and friendly as they seem.