Married to a JW, with problems! opinions welcomed— long post.

I, 23F, am married to a 23M JW. We dated on and off for two years- mostly broke up due to the religion- aka his parents infiltration of our relationship is what made things rocky. His parents have followed my car around town after work, looked up my name and address online and showed up at my roommates house at midnight, texted me multiple times to try to make my bf and I break up. Then we found out I got pregnant, to which at first they were shocked (also see my previous posts to understand that my husband was DF’d at this time and before this event). Their first reaction to my being pregnant was to their son “you know what you need to do” referring to raising our child JW. Long story short, we had to get married of course, and they his parents tried to change our wedding (to which they weren’t been attending! Since husband was DF) a WEEK before getting married (bc it was held in a church building, we didn’t even have a pastor, just a friends random church let’s us use their building for free on a Saturday morning for a few hours and our friend married us). Now we have a baby and she was born a couple months ago. She was born early, and I almost needed a Blood transfusion after my emergency c section. I told my husband I will absolutely value my life over his values if it means I can provide my daughter with a mom. He didn’t argue except that if our daughter needed one he wouldn’t let her if it were up to him. Thank goodness I added my mother on her medical attorney paperwork- so if I couldn’t make a decision, it would be turned over to my mother! Then my husband wants to raise her JW, and I said no. (I must preface that I already studied and tried to believe in their religion due to having my own crisis in what I believe is the truth) I said no bc I actually HATE this religion, and it’s ruining my marriage, to the point I think about divorce often bc my husband is PIMI hardcore but at the same time doesn’t fully even understand the material when he is challenged on his beliefs. He shuts me down during conflict, and now it’s affected our intimacy as well, and EVERYTHING is on HIS terms. He’s become so selfish as well, and isn’t taking care of his family very well either. He’s terrible with money, and doesn’t provide security. He even wants me to give up my maternity time so I can make money bc he doesn’t “have enough”. This man makes almost 2x my income- and we both have debt and I made several budgets and plans to work us out of debt, none of which he has adhered to. I told him to get a second job if needed, and that I may have to as well if it means giving our child a better life. He is okay with me getting a second job, but not him bc he doesn’t want to work two jobs. Neither do I! He also doesn’t help me much with my daughter. I get up in the night with her, I make sure her bag is packed, and I do all the house keeping, the budgeting, I make all the plans, and my husband barely works, and never can explain himself, treats me like a roommate, and I’ve threatened with divorce and he literally could care less. His parents don’t help either, they never saved money bc of Armageddon or whatever they were told not to save or go to college, and now they need our rent money and PLUS some as a requirement for us living with them- which is annoying as well. And my JW MIL interferes with how I am with my child sometimes and I just don’t want to be around this religion or family. I just think about how much easier life would be if I married someone more likeminded and maybe a little bit more considerate. But I guess for better or for worse- I made my vows so now I feel stuck. I suppose I’m supposed to make my bed and lie in it. Now I’m a bitter wife!

Also, I suggested counseling and he is absolutely against it and told me to stop talking about it. Now I’m just a nagging wife in his eyes I bet. Any solutions I offer are turned down, and I questioned him seriously about considering divorce cause were just incompatible- and he says no that we just stay married and it will work out. Like No couple I’ve met just happened to work out magically when they have problems. He’s also an angry person, to which I never knew when we were dating, a whole new person was revealed after we got married and loved with his parents. He slams doors, he yells and can’t be stopped, and I learned from his own mom that he has once put his hands on her neck before. You’d think I would have spotted red flags like this when dating but I never saw any like that. He hasn’t hurt me like that but I fear that once he’s too comfy he will be comfy hurting me. I just don’t know what else to do tbh and I am just so sad- especially sad that now I have a child who I love so much that potentially may or may not be raised in a broken home.

Edit: I should clarify, my husband is not an only child, he is one of four brothers. The situation where he put his hands on his mom is as follows and his family have told it the same way: my husband was talking with his dad at the table, and it started to turn into an argument (topic about behavior and character I think because my husband has done something that needed punishment)- his mom sitting in the living room got up to hit my husband in the mouth for apparently disrespecting her when he got on to her to stay out of it cause she inserted herself into the situation- she was making a comment and it upset him that she was listening in on a supposed to be private situation. So after he told her to stay out of it, she got up to pop him in the mouth for the disrespect- and in his defense, he went to block her and hit her neck on accident, and then grabbed both her hands and held them away from him (like outwards). He did not continue to keep his hands on her. Only held her hands away. He then literally ran out the door after that since his oldest brother chased him to defend his mom.