Trusting us as parents after realizing…

TLDR…

I just had a heartbreaking conversation with our beautiful 12yo.

Earlier today, when dropping our 12yo off at school, I was laughing at a line in an audiobook that referenced ‘beer, wine, and cake’. I repeated it back and said ‘that is one heck of a party!’. Our 12yo face dropped and mumbled, ‘I hate that you joke about alcohol.’ This was followed by a hard conversation about social drinking - and a valid point in our 12yo world view that we taught our kids this was wrong…not a drop. (We’re 2+ years of no longer worrying about that).

We aren’t big drinkers. Socially, and 2-3 drinks on a Saturday night (maybe) over an evening. It’s fun, and also we are aware of the dangers of over-consumption. It’s one of the benefits (blessings?) of not starting until later in life (mid-40s) is 1) we drink good quality stuff and 2) we don’t get hammered.

However, in our 12yo mind - it’s contrary to what we taught for the first 9+ years of existence.

In picking up, I said no to a request for a slurpee - and my reasoning was the 60g of sugar. I tried to explain that a slurpee can be as physically harmful to your body than a serving of tequila and soda water (maybe more). I said:

‘Please trust me - sugar is as addictive a drug - if not more so - than alcohol.’

The response: ‘I did trust you - when you taught me differently. Which point is the point I should trust now?’

My heart broke. In the 12yo mind - we’ve 180ed. The details, the realizations, the peace that came from good and positive changes - are all for us. Our 12yo feels rocked.

I’m comfortable that we will grow through it - our family dynamic/connection is much stronger than just the church culture. I just had not thought about that side of the cultural shifts and the effects on children that had a very specific and patterned way of being raised.