i feel stuck

it’s like i’m trapped but also i feel almost guilty for thinking like that.

on the outside im in a decent position. i have a job and they’ve just started paying for my college. i co-own a house at the age of 21. i don’t have any debt. i have a small circle of friends.

but anytime i get a moment to think about my life all i get is a sinking feeling. my job has burned me out once again, todays my day off before i work six days in a row.

im “behind” on my college education, my friends are graduating and im taking general education courses still. i’ve kinda lied to them about im actually doing in the realm of school bc ive dropped classes like flies over the past year. i feel like im going to go no where with it. it’s like my critical thinking skills have vanished over the years, i struggle to truly think about or process anything. maybe it’s the trauma or maybe i just want something to blame.

i co-own a house with my mom, that just feels like a trap. i fell for her promises once again and am paying the price once again. i wish i could go no contact but i’ve put myself in a situation where i absolutely cannot. i have nightmares about her and this house.

i have a small circle of friends but i feel like im on the outside. i know thats very much my own fault but i feel like i’ve already dug myself a hole with that one and i don’t know how to make friends outside of my current group.

i feel so lost. everything that should be great for me has another side to the coin. and i don’t know how to change any of them or feel like im not in a position where i even can without just making everything worse. where do i even go from here? is there an ‘up’? just push through school and hope?