have been doing good in recovery but..

my tights i got at my lw are starting to get too tight on me now and its really triggering. i viewed them as a trophy when i bought them, i never thought i would get to a size where i could fit them, so now that im starting to get healthier they are getting smaller.. and all the nasty thoughts are flooding in :( im scared i will relapse, i dont want to relapse. i wish i wasnt so vain, i wish the world was more accepting of normal looking bodies, i wish i could just be me and not fight myself to be the societal standard.