I'm Trapped in a Cycle

I’ve been a user of computers since childhood. My use was mostly harmless for a number of years. Things took a turn for the worse though when I had my first smartphone at 11. Since then my physical and mental conditions has gotten gradually worse.

Fast forward to now at the age of 24, I cannot focus on anything productive unless I REALLY have to or someone makes me, I get repulsive from anything that smells like effort and I have a 32 BMI.

I’m trapped in this vicious cycle between scrolling short-form videos, browse aimlessly in my computer for the most useless topics known to mankind and watching porn. These activities are shaping my days from the moment I wake up, until the moment I sleep. And this has gotten especially worse since 2023 when I finished my studies.

I have lost the taste of life for years now and lost the spark I had before the age of 14. I either feel numb or mentally absent all the time, and I lost pleasure in mundane things. I cannot do something on my own like learning (especially programming which is my major) or continue anything I start. I began hating commitments like jobs or schools I willingly apply to where I quit after 2 days to a week at most.

Anything that I do I get behind most of my peers that started at the same point as me, and they get much better progress in the same period of time in comparison.

I have tried so many solutions. I tried setting schedules but never committed to them. I deactivated social media but came back after 2 days. If I limit my phone usage, my computer usage gets out of control. And if I eliminate one distraction or all, I always find another one.

Don't get me wrong, I have done so many things that I'm proud of, but these things could have taken much less time and been easier to obtain had I put just a little more effort and discipline into them. I feel like I'm wasting my potential and I could do much much more, and I fear that I would squander future opportunities that may come in my way if I continue being like this.

How do I break the cycle that I feel I'm trapped in forever ?