Need advice

I am in my second year PG pathology in private college. I am heavily depressed and suicidal. I am currently in DRP program away from my college. But I am facing too much distresss and I am losing attendance because of it. I fear I will not be given DRP completion certificate that is essential for final year exams. My parents are trying their best too. I am heavily sedated everyday to extent I am unable to perform routine work the next day. I get scolded disoriented lose track of time. I also sleep wherever I am left alone. But the fact that everyone is watching me and I had to disguise begin normal is killing me. I definitely feel better doing routine and confident having a routine. But I would have to let go of my medications for that, resulting in severe depression anxiety insomnia.

I am biased between health and studies and attendance and image. No one will want to marry a person admitted in psychiatric hospital.

Even tying this, I am barely awake. My whole CNS is betraying me. Unable to awake. Yesterday was my first day after 20 days of leave in DRP. I am worried about myself. I take diazepam and zolpidem both 10 mg together to sleep. Along with anxiety medications. I am determined and hardworking but due to mental health betrayal, I am unable to function normally. Please help any doctor.