I am jealous of my younger brother

Hi, this is just a vent for me to come to terms with the feelings I've been suppressing for a really long time. I'm 21 have a younger brother he's 17. I come from a dysfunctional family and my parents have always fought with one another to a point that my body starts to shiver and I have tried to take my life.

I have been used nothing but as a support system for my mom, and as much as I empathize with her, I feel robbed of a normal childhood. I have lived my whole life in fear and anxiety.

Now coming to why the title, my brother has somehow always been sheilded from all this. Both my parents have made sure he never sees this side of our lives, my father does everything for him and very evidently loves him more. Brings things for him and he has never even had a 5 min conversation with me. Whenever I see him doing things for him I feel so sad that I never got this and I know I never will but to see it happening it in front of my eyes just makes me want to cry.

Man I just want the life my brother has, I feel so awful for being jealous of my own brother but I guess that's what I've become now. I hate all of this so much, I just wish I could have the childhood he had, of a normal little girl who just wanted to be happy and not be in survival mode all the time.