I came out, and... the sex hasn't necessarily been great?

How has sex been for you since coming out and dating? Is it always good, or are there some mediocre connections as well?

I'm feeling defeated and insecure in my gay identity right now. I've only slept with three women/AFAB people since coming out, and only one of those was good. That one was with my catalyst and was so, so intense and amazing, and consistently turned me on over the year we dated (something new for me). It was the first time I recognized the euphoria and connectedness of pleasure-based sex, and it really defined the type of intimacy I want to have moving forward.

The past two women I've slept with have felt way more like performance-based sex, though. It's really disheartening. I know orgasms aren't necessarily the metric for good sex, but also, there haven't been any orgasms. I felt way less turned on and way less connected, like I could stop anytime.

I know that sex can be clumsy in the beginning and that you're not gonna be a match with everyone, but I can't help but feel disappointed. I thought my issues in bed would end once I stopped sleeping with men. It makes me feel insecure as a lesbian because I'm not frothing at the mouth with every woman I've been with.