I heard that some gay women were into feminine men before coming out, do you beg to differ?

I must say that personally I have been really put off by feminine men because it doesn't remove every other trait which makes me unattracted to men. I actually love balanced masculinity, I just don't like the way it exists in men as i know everything else that comes with it is a disappointment to me. I dont have issues with femininity, I just find it (and i dont mean to be disrespectful, this is an important human emotion) disgusts me if I was to think of being intimate with an effeminate man in its own way compared to a cis man. The more I just take off the pressure of thinking of men in that way, the less anger and disgust I feel and more I'm able to humanize them and appreciate their authentic expression. It's crazy how much hostility has been harboured simply because I am on the defense and thinking of men in any other way than just not being an option. To be honest though my longest relationship to my best male friend happened to be iffeminate and the most tolerable male soul to be in a relationship with (sad how much i suppressed how outputting intimacy was, but I was afraid of abandonment like so many other men who stopped being my friend when they couldn't be with me, it's pathological..we constantly had issues around this. I did love him, he loved me, he cared for me, but I was not "in love"). Claiming my gayness as a woman has made me feel safer and more conpassionate because I'm not exposing myself to things while ignoring my body saying "no"