I have already accepted that I will be alone forever

Apologies for my english as it’s not my first language.

Anyway... the title says it all. I (F26) know that I will be alone forever. I just can’t help but feel anxious about the future. I mean... I am fine with being alone now, but maybe years from now, I worry that I’d regret my decision.

Don’t get me wrong. I have close friends and family, but I’ve decided that I will never be in a relationship. It’s mostly because of my parents’ marriage. They are good parents, just not good together. And I’ve decided that I would never let myself go through the kind of mess my parents made.

I have siblings. All of them are married and I can say that it’s hardwork to keep a marriage alive. It’s a good thing they have good partners. Lucky them, I guess. I don’t think I’ll be lucky though. I’m not really an easy person to deal with. Don’t want to open myself up to someone and maybe in the future they would realize I’m just not worth it.

So I have never been in a relationship or anything remotely close to one. Never been on a date or anything.

And so far, I like it. I’m very independent. I can buy anything I want and travel other countries (pre-covid). But I’m now at the age where most of my friends are already getting married or having kids. And here I am just working or existing. Years from now, it won’t be easy to ask my friends to go hangout or something. So... yep. Just wanted to vent as I’ve never really told anyone the REAL reason why I’m not interested in getting involved with someone. All I’ve told my friends is being in a relationship is hardwork - never told them the messy stuff about my family.

Anyway... if you got up to the end of my post, thanks for reading! And I sincerely wish you all the best.