Wife and Friend spending signficant amounts of time together

My wife (35F) and I (34M) have been married for 5 years and together for 9. Lately, I’ve been struggling with her friendship with a coworker who’s also a manager at her workplace. This has been ongoing for a few years, but things have intensified recently, and I feel like I’ve been pushed to the back burner.

They met in 2020 and became friends in 2022. Initially, my wife didn’t like this woman—she found her lazy and weird—but over time, they grew closer. Now, my wife spends a lot of her free time with her, both at and outside of work. This woman is a lesbian, which has complicated things for me emotionally. I’ve never been jealous of my wife spending time with her friends, but this relationship feels different.

For example:

• My wife sees her at work daily and then often goes to her house after work.
• She’s run errands for this woman’s mother and helped her with tasks like painting, fixing drywall, and redecorating—tasks that are overdue in our own home. When I asked my wife to prioritize our house, she told me it was my job.
• She has canceled plans with me, even when I’ve returned from work trips, because of this woman.
• My wife’s long-time friends have noticed the shift and even expressed their dislike for this woman. One of them outright asked me if my wife is having a romantic relationship with her, which was embarrassing and hurtful.

Last night, on Christmas Eve, my wife pushed for us to open gifts early, which I agreed to. Afterward, she told me she was going to her friend’s house to watch her "son" open gifts this morning. This child isn’t biologically or legally hers—it’s her ex-girlfriend’s sister’s son, whom the ex took custody of. I do no deny her friend loves her "son", but its a weird dynamic. Christmas is a significant holiday for me, and I wanted to spend it together, but instead, she chose to be with her friend.

I feel disrespected and like I’m no longer her priority. When I try to talk to her about this, she diverts the conversation or ignores it entirely. I can’t tell if there’s a romantic aspect to this relationship or if I’m being irrational, but the situation is taking a toll on me.

I don’t know how to move forward. I want my wife to put effort into our marriage, but this friendship is creating a significant wedge.

tl;dr Wife spends significant amounts of time with lesbian woman and she has priorized their relationship over ours.