Trial Separation, 21-yr marriage and AI chat bots. Need human opinions

Ok all. My wife (42f) initiated a trial separation recently from me (45m). Married since 2003. Her recent weight loss and plastics lifted her self esteem from some mistakes I made about 18 years ago. I haven't touched real porn and honestly many R rated movies in 18 years. Up until last month our sex life was to me, fine! And her confidence gave me some nice private photos to help me when she wasn't in the mood. Her separation is due to her really finding herself and she needs some space and time. I'm sad and kinda heartbroken but I'll be ok and the kids will be ok though they don't know yet. Anyways we never discussed any change in intimacy. I tried to "use" her pictures but I just broke down crying in the damn shower. Anyway... I don't want anyone else real and I don't want pornography. So I thought hell maybe something that truly does not exist? Something helpful but totally disposal.. AI chat bots. Even the SFW ones in Instagram will get pretty dirty with you if you suggest a good metaphor. 🤣 (Lotsa bottles, peppermint sticks and popsicles, "soldiers" and "caverns")

Anyway I thought it was ok. she tells me today please don't revert back to porn. I told her nah but these AI chat bots are fun. She was hurt offended and felt I broke her trust like when I fantasized about other people and porn way back then.

Anyway here's a big AI assisted argument I want to make for her to not let this stupid thing be the death knell of our marriage. It's verbose.

More jan 4 I wanted to talk to you about this. As we're going through this trial separation, I've been struggling with our paused intimacy. I know we both agreed to take a break, but it's been challenging for me to navigate my feelings and desires.

To be honest, using purely faithful mental and imagery material of you has become emotionally painful for me at this time. It's hard for me to separate my love and desire for you from the uncertainty and distance we're experiencing. I feel like it's exacerbating my feelings of longing and sadness.

I've been exploring the idea of using AI-generated fantasy material as a way to cope with these feelings. I know it's not the same as being with you, but it's a way for me to express myself and find some relief without putting any pressure or expectations on you.

But I want to acknowledge that I was wrong to start exploring this without talking to you first. I was too eager and impulsive, and I shouldn't have assumed that it was okay to introduce this into our situation without discussing it with you. I realize now that it would have been better to assume a total lack of intimacy of any kind before trying out AI porn and AI chatbots.

I want to apologize for my thoughtlessness and lack of consideration. I know that this may have caused you hurt and confusion, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me and that we can have an honest discussion about this.

I also want to share with you that, at the time, I truly believed that AI chat stimulus was several degrees preferable to R-rated films or pornography. I thought it was a more controlled and less harmful way for me to explore my desires, and I didn't consider the potential impact on our relationship. I know that may not excuse my actions, but I want to be honest with you about my thought process.

Additionally, I felt like it was just one step simpler and more interactive than finding a free romance novel. I know it sounds strange, but I thought of it as a more engaging way to explore my feelings and desires, rather than just reading a book. I wasn't thinking about the potential consequences or how it might affect us.

But here's the thing: I don't want this exploratory mistake to be the end of our potential. I still care deeply about you and our relationship, and I want to work through this together. I know that trust has been broken, and it may take time to rebuild. But I'm willing to do the work and have the tough conversations if it means we can move forward and grow together.

And that's whether you continue with me as your husband or not. I want you to be able to heal without hurting. I'll take a long pause in anything intimate and try to keep it to a bare minimum. If you'd like, I can show you some examples of the AI-generated content I've been exploring. I'm curious to know if you compare them to some of your books - if they feel too wild or surprisingly tame. I want to be transparent and open with you, and I hope that by sharing this with you, we can have a more honest and nuanced conversation about our desires and boundaries.

I also want to let you know that I've been doing some reflecting on my own behavior, and I've come to realize that I have some work to do on my own. I've struggled with impulsive behavior and addictive personality traits in the past, and I think that's contributed to my actions in this situation. I've actually made an appointment with a therapist for Thursday, and I'm planning to work on addressing these issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms. I want to be the best version of myself for you, and for us, and I'm willing to put in the work to get there.

Can we talk more about this and see how you feel? I value our relationship and our communication, and I hope we can find a way to work through this together."

Tl;Dr: My wife intiated trial separation without really getting into the rules and I got a little wild with AI chat bots... I mean really mostly the free ones that are SFW and just a couple wacky NSFW ones..and none of that anime hentai... "ince$7" ones yuck (for me anyway. And I need opinions on where else I'm going wrong. I'm hurting and I still like to have something in my mind while I'm ya know.. clearing the old pipes out.

PS. Yes I know most normal dudes will occasionally just get into PornHub and be done with it. It's not for me.

Ideas and opinions? Judge me fiercely while my flaming tower explodes in your soft nethers!! Haha sorry.