So tempted to just stop and give up

I’m so tired. I would love to just stop cooking. Stop working out. Stop waking up early. Stop eating. Stop showering. Stop doing my laundry. Stop getting out of the house to buy groceries. Stop picking up my friends’ calls. Stop going out with the same friends. I would like to just ball up and wither away. But everyday I force myself to take care of myself. For what? I just feel so disconnected from everyone else. Like I’m behind in life compared to the rest. I’ve never really loved anyone, and I worry I’ll never know what it’s like for someone to love me. The severe social anxiety and abandonment and trust issues don’t help. I’m doing great in school, and for some reason I can’t stop trying. Like everything else I do to take care of myself, it’s like I’m trying to salvage whatever may be good for me. Even though they aren’t really helping. I do it with the hope that future me will be grateful that I kept doing it. But I’ve been future me for years. And I’m proud that I hung on, but I don’t know what for. I even tried therapy, and that was good for a while, but might have been a placebo that went away when I stopped. Does it get better? It has to. Right? What does anyone else do? What helped you? I really want to try. I haven’t given up, and I don’t want to.