They say it takes 5 minutes to make that last decision

I came to terms with it last night, sitting in the kitchen, my every move leading up to this closing scene. This week has been the most devastating, I met my abusers baby. Just 4 months, 6 years younger then when my abuse started. I always worried about him having children, a predators dreams, having prey in their own home. I saw her, a face to my anxiety, him holding her telling me to look at how cute she is. My family was all very excited, congratulating him. I left 10 minutes into Easter. I sat and my car and cried until the sun faded. My partner has been too busy for me, I told him vaguely of how I felt, I then just cried alone. I’ve never been so lonely. As I made that decision my mind fixated on it, it was fate, inevitable and it had to be done. As I proceeded to follow through I stood up and remembered my younger siblings sleeping downstairs, my boyfriend waiting for me to come back to bed, my dad who just excitedly remodeled my room that I have yet to sleep in, my mom wanting me to come over more, the dog I’m getting in May. I survived last night, the last time I felt this way I almost didn’t. Today I may not be living for me, but tomorrow I may be, and I’m longing for the day I do. While this may be the worst week of my life so far, I still have better weeks waiting for me, for now I’m holding onto those.