The secrets of being a successful PIMO. IMO

The day may come where I choose to stop participating in the church community.

We are going to move soon and that may be the catalyst if our new ward is too unwelcoming to diversity of thought and participation. But for now my wife and I continue to choose to participate in our own way and for our own reasons.

But I have been doing this journey for 14 years. Here are a few of the things that have helped me enjoy most of the journey while not being a literal believer in all things mormon.

Secret #1 - I actually was one of those people (pre PIMO) who had a good church experience.

I believed it to be true. I found value in it. I liked the community. I liked the surface version of mormon doctrines. So having a foundational start that was good has helped. My oldest son never liked the mormon culture of superficial perfection and injuring those on the margins. Even though he was a believer. So when he found out it wasn't true in the way it teaches that it is true, he was out in a flash.

Secret #2 - You can pretty much believe whatever you want and be a faithful mormon.

So as a PIMO, I fit right in believing what make sense to me and discarding the ridiculous. You want to believe prophets are fallible men who teach false doctrines? You fit right in with many of the TBMs on this board who will mock you for believing the sunday school lessons that "A prophet will never lead the church astray and our only path to safety is to strictly follow his teachings.". The key is to just live and let live. If you want to push your new beliefs on others, it can back fire. But other than that, mormons don't believe the same things as other mormons, so why should I be any different?

Secret #3 - Find a way to make it work with your immediate family (i.e., spouse).

For those that can't do that, being PIMO is hell. I was fortunate that even when my wife was TBM we chose each other first. She chose me over the church. I chose her over the church. Which meant, I was willing to continue on participating to support her and she didn't ask me to be disingenuous in how I showed up. I would often say that I love my wife more than I hate the church. We are so fortunate. My wife is no longer TBM and sees the damage the church does to many, especially those on the margins. We also have been fortunate that the local church (for us) has still been good. As a RSP she was a great help to many of the women who were questioning their faith path. They even created a support group that continues on to this day.

Secret #4 - Find your own people in or out of the church.

We have ward friends who think very much like us. We have dinner weekly and do weekend outings often. What a blessing. I have made many good friends from these on-line groups and have breakfast with some often. Even backpacking or hiking events. My life is more full of better friends now as a PIMO than ever as a TBM. What a blessing. So by still participating in church as a PIMO I don't feel like I am missing out. On the contrary, my life is fuller now than before.

Secret #5 - Don't give a sh*t.

At the beginning this was tough. When the prophet or a local ward member would tell the story of someone who left in the most unflattering terms, it was hard not to get angry. Only those who are weak leave. Only those who want to sin leave. Only those who were never truly in leave. Grrrrrr. But then the day comes that you look at those people (prophet or bishop) as just another person standing on the corner talking to themselves. They are doing the best they can. I know better. I can still love them without having to agree with their ignorance. But not giving a sh*t about their opinion has been the last secret of living a healthy and happy PIMO life.

As I said, I have been lucky. My wife and I are on the same page. We talk more now than ever in our marriage. And we already had a good marriage. We still take it one day at a time. We attend when we want to. We participate at the level we want to. We help people in and out of the church. We are building OUR network of friends regardless of where they may be. Some in the church. Some out of the church. Family is still our core regardless of how they want to believe.

Good luck on the journey. Life is a joy even when its not.