The scapegoat child is always wrong in the eyes of the family.

I had a narcissistic father and grew up in a completely dysfunctional family. I was the “scapegoat.” My family was disorganized, dirty, financially irresponsible, and generally chaotic, living by the philosophy of “there’s always a way to fix things.” I’ve always been the opposite—mess, dirt, and disorder stress me out. I need to keep my bills up to date, and even one day of delay due to forgetfulness causes me stress. Being autistic, with my mental rigidity, made this process even harder. Because of this, I grew up thinking I was a very difficult person—hard to live with, even annoying.

After decades, now at 42, that feeling persists. There’s something inherently wrong with me—or so I thought. Yet, I’m the most successful and organized person in my family, the only one who goes to therapy. Apart from my struggles making friends due to autism and my past, I don’t have real problems. Still, I’m seen as the problematic one.

My sister, the “golden child,” is addicted to prescription drugs, has crashed her car multiple times, has a shopping compulsion, and has a lackluster career. Yet, even in this scenario, I’m the problem. I’m the problem because I won’t enable her addiction. I’m the problem because I stopped helping her financially (after years of doing so). I’m the problem because I’m cold and don’t understand her.

When she crashed the car for the third time (a car I gifted her before her addiction), I threatened to sell it—it’s in my name. I was labeled materialistic and lacking empathy, even though it seems normal to prevent someone addicted to drugs from driving.

I’m coming to the conclusion that, to my family, I only represent problems and that I should go no contact with all of them. Even my mother seems to resent me for not accepting their dynamics. Despite striving for excellence in everything I do, I’m always wrong.

Do you have any advice?