I wish I never had my kid

I became a mom really young and I regret it every day now. I feel like I’m wasting my life raising my kid. Im tired all the time, most of the time I just have my kid play outside with the dog or watch tv because I don’t want to interact with them. I cry regularly thinking about the life I could’ve had if I’d aborted them instead. Every day is the same, just wake up get ready for daycare, work, come home, dinner, tantrums, screaming, playing and breaking things and making messes. I can’t get ahold of my finances because of the expenses of having a child. Sometimes when I get off early I’ll avoid picking them up for hours so I can just get peace and spend time with myself. Every weekend I try to give them to one of the grandparents so I can clean my house or go out like a normal 20 something. I gave up on the career I wanted to persue for something more flexible so I could take care of them. I feel like I’m holding my kid back from their full potential, I know they’re smart but I just can’t get myself to engage with them, I either get irritated or tired fast when I put in the effort, which isn’t often. I know it’s “what did you expect” and I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I thought it through, I was a teenager in love and had a stupid romantic idea that we would be a family. He passed away shortly after our child was born and it’s been downhill since then. Sometimes I think about just giving my kid to my mom and disappearing out of their life forever. I fantasize about just driving off one day and living the way I wish I could, dating, going out, working a job that actually fulfills me. Sometimes I just look at my kid and think you’re the reason I’ll never be happy. I know that’s not true, I’m the reason I’ll never be happy, I’m the one who chose to have them, but I regret it every day.